Max and Landrew Ė A Love story

 

Disclaimer:  Everything said here is not to offend anyone, by race, creed, sexuality etc.  I know most these people and I think they are excellent characters.  I chose them for this story in light of recent events. Also, because everyone in Albion has probably met them.  So please take this story as it is.  Flame me in the game and I will pay you 20gp for your comments thanks.

 

Setting:  In a small cottage outside Cotswold, early morning. Our two heroes, Max and Landrew wake up and begin their daily routines.

 

Landrew:  Ohh Max!!! Have you see my purple long johns?

 

Max: Awww, I thought you left them in the hot tub last nite sexy poo!

 

Landrew: Ok pookums, Let me go check teheheh.

 

Landrew looks around the hot tub, a make shift laundry tub with hot coals underneath.

 

Landrew: I canít find them, but it sure does smell here?  You wearing troll cologne again?

 

Max: Umm, no snookums, just the usual, Essence of Violent.

 

Maxís begins to cook some breakfast, eggs and sausage links.

 

Max: Drew!!! How do you want your sausages!

 

Landrew: Well done! I donít like it when they are limp!

 

Max: Oh, ehehe, I should have known, Heheh.

 

 

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

 

There is a knock at the door.

 

Max: Drewy, can you go get that?

 

Landrew: Aww shucks, ok.

 

Landrew opens the door, before him he seeís a little cleric female.

 

Jessila: Troll in town.  You have seen him Big? Purple around him. I need your information so I can make hunting festival.

 

Landrew: Huh? Say that again miss.

 

Jessila: I need troll to get hunting festival.

 

Landrew: Iím sorry miss, Iím not fluent in your tongue.

 

Jessila: KEKE, forgive me not mother tongue.

 

Landrew: Ahh, please explain again, I will listen harder.  I know you mentioned a troll.

 

Jessila: All your base are belong to us.

 

Landrew: What!?!?!

 

Jessila: KEKE, me just kidding you.  Troll around house, purple on it.

 

Landrew: Where do you think he is?

 

Jessila: Can we check hay barn?

 

Landrew: Ok.

 

Landrew and Jessila proceed to the barn in the back.

 

BRAAAPPPPP!!!

 

Jessila: What is the stunk?

 

Landrew: Ugh, donít know lets go check.

 

Landrew and Jessila stumble upon a big troll passed in the hay, wearing Landewís long johns!

 

 

Bwaagghhh!!

 

Big: Hmm, what me do here? Why me in purple.

 

Jessila: KEKE

 

Landrew: Stop fiend! What are you doing in my house!

 

Big stops to remember he training and decodes the Albion language.

 

Big: Hmmm, Me come to drink with friend.  Max is friend.  Who are you.

 

Landrew: Iím his boyfriend you fiend!

 

A knight in blue jumps from the rafters.

 

Coupland: I caught them, OH YESS I DID.  I painted pictures!! Ohh yes I did!!! Iím going to hold them ransom!!! Ohh YES I WILL.  Everyone will see the House of Landrew consorts with trolls! I caught them

 

Coupland dances.

 

Coupland slips on troll dung.

 

Jessila: I sorry, troll we must kill.  Troll not welcome in Albion.

 

Jessila pulls out communicator to summon 150 Lucidus Draco storm troopers.

 

Landrew: Stop the madness! My heart is broken!!! My Max has betrayed me!

 

Big: Har Har.  Big give Max what Landrew not have.  Har Har!!!

 

Coupland: Iím still keeping these pictures! I want money!

 

Big: Big no like Coupland.  Big crush Coupland.

 

Big proceeds to make a straight jacket out of Couplands palte armor, thus forming him into a human pretzel.

 

Max enters the room.

 

Max: OMG, Big you dolt, what are still doing here!!!

 

Big: Big forget.  Big get drunk on Albion ale!

 

Landrew: Max your traitor! Those were my favorite long johns, tailored by Georgio Thom Merrlin Armani!!!

 

Max: Drew, you just donít talk anymore.  We have grown apart!  Big has given me a new sense of love.

 

Landrew: Then why the long johns!!! Why mine!?!

 

Max: I never told you, but I have a thing for men in purple.

 

Landrew: You bastard you used me!!!

 

The 150 Lucidus Dracoís storm troopers show up.

 

Lucidus Dracoís storm troopers: TROLL!!!

 

Big goes down.

 

Max cries.

 

Max: BIG BIG OH MY SWEET BIG!!! Youíll pay for this Landrew!!!

 

LD Storm troopers hold Landrew back.

 

Landrew: ITS NOT FAIR, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING!

 

Scene closes with the two being separated.

 

Next episode:

 

Coupland under goes extensive smithing to get out of the human pretzel.  But now he can do amazing feats with his limbs.

 

Landrew goes on a crusade to kill Big.

 

Max ponders a move to Midgard.

 

Jessila leads her storm troopers to Hibernia to convert the heathens.

 

Again, all in fun.  I will pay 20gp to each person who comes to flame me in game.

 

Moral of the story.

 

 

EVERYONE GET ALONG AND KISS AND MAKE UP!!